Why I'm still a Christian

Is there a way through scandals and abuse back into the body of Christ?

Trevin Wax ruffled feathers when he wrote “Prone to Dechurch, Lord I feel it” in which he challenges Christians to remain in the church despite the scandals that many cite as their reason for leaving. Although in general, I agree that Christians should continue attending churches despite the scandals occurring throughout many denominations, I disagree entirely with his approach. 

Wax quotes John Piper and argues “To walk away from the church is to walk away from Christ.” I may be simply a victim of modern individualism as Wax suggests, but I can’t quite stomach this blanket statement even though he softens it slightly by allowing individuals the right to leave a particular congregation with the caveat that they must immediately seek out another one. 

My reflections upon reading these new rules are that Wax doesn’t appear to know much about those who are leaving the church. He mentions that, “We think people are leaving the church today because of all the church scandals. But it’s possible we hear more about church scandals today because people seek to justify their decision to leave.”

Perhaps this is true, but I tend to think disillusionment in the institution of the church is a legitimate concern. And although I now believe in the value of the church, I didn’t always, mostly because I’d never seen the church functioning as it should. 

Back in high school, I experienced repeated assault in a religious context, and it shook my belief in Christ and especially in his people. At that point, I believed that Christian leaders were all corrupt, self-serving, and defensive of their image above individuals under their care. I felt a sense of tension between the behavior I witnessed by God’s people and the person of God whom I’d learned about growing up in church. At that moment, I decided that either God was not good, God did not exist, or the church did not represent God and I stopped attending church. 

When I shared my doubts with my parents, they said that although they were sorry to hear I was struggling they believed God would guide me through even this. Every day I’m so grateful they did not bring down the hammer like Wax did in his article and castigate me for my unbelief and unrepentance. Their calm and continued faithfulness to God in the face of my doubts did more for me than any arm-twisting or guilt-tripping ever could. They showed me God was real and powerful by releasing me into his capable hands. 

And God caught me. Without going into too much depth, he stopped my spiral away from health, family, and friendship and in many many ways brought me back to life. 

By the time I entered college as a freshman, my understanding of God had been sharpened but I remained skeptical of the value of the church, after all the church had brought me into the darkest place I’d ever been. 

Through what I can only describe as God’s providential hand, I landed at Grace Anglican Church in Grove City on my second Sunday of freshman year and I never left. The simple reason was that the rector spoke to my suffering, the thing that felt most real to me at the time. He did not cleanse the Christian life of pain or encourage us to pretend that we were sinless and spotless but instead preached Christ as the hope for the darkest parts of us all. 

I witnessed remarkable things during my time in that church. Friends were baptized, doubters were embraced, and those traditionally abandoned by the church were welcomed as fellow heirs to Christ’s glory. 

People sometimes ask me why I’m still a Christian if I’m also willing to admit the wrongs that the church has done. The answer is because I believe in God and I believe in what the church can be because I’ve seen at least a part of it. 

I realize I’m incredibly lucky to be one of the ones who have made it through a struggle like this inside of the church. It haunts me to think of what would have happened if any number of tiny circumstances had played out a bit differently. I don’t think I would have been a Christian. I definitely wouldn’t be a churched one. 

This is why I can’t agree with Wax’s decision to chastise Christians who aren’t in the church. Sure, I understand that being in the church is important for believers. A professor of mine would often remind us that Jesus never sent his disciples out alone but always in pairs so that they could care for each other. I wholeheartedly believe this, so much so that I made my post-graduation plans so that I could support and be supported by some of my best friends. But I must reject Wax’s legalistic application of this principle. If going to church is still too hard, if you’re still figuring things out, that’s okay. I believe God holds us all, in and out of the church. There is help for you and there is hope for us all because we believe in a God who restores what was ruined and brings the dead to life.